Rediscovering the power of being human.

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I have to admit something. I'm depressed, and have been for probably over a year. There were more positive times when I thought I'm no longer depressed and am just working my way towards solutions to my problems, but I think I was deceiving myself. So long as things I hate about my life are still there, so long as those problems aren't solved, I cannot be happy, and if I am not happy that's kinda where depression comes in. Admitting it is better than denial. You know that corny saying: the truth shall sets you free. It's true.

So yes, the author of this very positive forward looking site about molding ourselves into these awesome dare I say "super" humans, has some major issues, and is unhappy. I actually don't really think this should be much of a surprise. Sure it seems intuitive to expect only people who are genuinely happy and "at their destination" to have the most useful things to say about how to get there, but it's actually the journey that yields all that insight, not the destination.

I have a destination. I have my goals, ideals, and a vision of where I want to be, and what role I want to play. The fact that I'm not there yet creates a yearning, and that yearning creates incentive to think, experiment and sometimes write about what I come up with. I'm on the road, in the midst of it all. I'm on the crime scene.

You know those moments when you are down and have this compulsion to just list all the things that are wrong with your life and things around you, all the things you hate? Well, that's where I just was, but then I thought I wont be a total and complete downer and at least make myself admit to things I love in my life. But, I wanted to list only the things that I really do love, not things that I'm expected to love or that I'm typically trying to convince myself to love.

As I was going through my list I had a simple idea that is the whole reason why I even started writing this post. The idea is to simply list the things I love, then the things I hate, as I was already doing, but then see if I can figure out how to use the things I love against the things I hate. Isn't that kind of the holy grail? Just cannibalize everything bad in your life by doing things you love in a way that solves the bad things.

Of course, this is hardly the whole solution, but it might help in those kinds of moments, and life is after all only a string of moments. The more of the down moments you "save yourself" from going even deeper into depression the better chance you have of progressing out of it, however slowly, towards the resolution of your problems and the achievement of your goals.

Well.. for me.. at least it spawned this post. I guess that's one positive outcome since one of the things I love to do is spontaneous or inspired writing.